I will no longer fight for control.

Because I’m in control. Nobody is a threat to me. I’m no longer in need to go on the offensive since I’ve made offending me strenuous. It’s not that I don’t care anymore – on the contrary, I care a lot.

Because I value the human experience, I value other people’s opinion whether I agree with them or not. Every thought that is shared has its purpose. Every thought reveals a tiny piece of someone. That’s data. I’m making the active choice of not being offended by divergent beliefs. I know they have nothing to do with me. That’s a fact. I alone cannot be the basis of other’s beliefs. They are free to use the experience they have with me to support whatever they believe in. So can I.

Because I’m sovereign, I face myself more often than I react to those who upset me. I respect myself too much to tolerate disrespect. Even though it is challenging to control my impulsive inner adolescent, I try not to mirror foul behavior. Any feelings of contempt that some people may have for me are irrelevant to me. These feelings aren’t my responsibility. Likewise, it wouldn’t be coherent to hold onto anger against someone as a result of my own unhealed trauma.

War is exhausting. War is the child of Ego and Illusion. War is Delusion, thus, unwelcomed in my temple. I don’t want to be a warrior anymore. My neck is stiffed from the stress of these never-ending battles. Yes, it’s made me strong but at what cost? What is the use of strength when one can’t trust? Fighting without love is fighting out of fear. I don’t want to be afraid anymore, I want to live.

I used to believe the past needed to be left behind. Yet, « leaving » isn’t the right verb. Dropping it intentionally won’t create distance; it’ll only be out of sight for a while. In the dark, the past lurks. It can’t leave, at best, it sleeps. If it awakens and manage to trigger the fight in me, it means I’ve lost. Kicking ass doesn’t make a difference. Sometimes I wonder if I’m really that strong or just good at fighting. I cannot let the struggle turn me numb.

War is dumb. But safeguarding isn’t. I don’t mind throwing hands for a good reason. « Good » to me is linked to my values: honesty, clarity, transparency, respect, accountability, kindness, reciprocity, balance, liability, empathy, equity, autonomy, sovereignty, curiosity, the will to learn and get better. I will withstand anything for the people and the things that I love.

It takes so much courage to love. Commitment is difficult when love is taught to equal possession. In reality, love is freedom. Nobody owns it, yet all can feel it. Love is the water of emotions. Without it, we’ll go sick, we’ll feel insane. I truly hope no one ever goes thirsty. I wish that wish was realistic.

I accept challenges.
I accept miscellaneous viewpoints.
I accept sadness and fatigue.
I accept the past’s silent company.
I accept the responsibility to protect my unborn descendants as my greatest honor.

Ayibobo.